REALITY BYTES

Brett Michaels really needs to get off this bus, quickly. If this “rocker” has any serious music left in him and doesn’t need the money that Vh1 filters down to him - Michaels needs to re-evaluate his life; maybe even, re-invent himself.

The passage of time will find us all gravitating down towards the ground. Our bodies tend to sag and given enough time, we can even begin to shrink. After awhile, our dreams and ambitions even tend to diminish.

Has Brett Michaels career sagged to the point of no return? Get back to your roots, Brett! Your ambitions have been sliding into Vh1-land too far! Pretty soon you will be growing donkey ears and hee-hawing just like Pinocchio did! Even your nose is growing nasal hair. Brett.. for gods sake… don’t …. to late, Brett.

In the beginning, Rock of Love was funny and more of a novelty, than a reality show. It brought Brett Michaels riches untold, by expanding his fan base to include people that would not have paid a dime to watch him perform, before.

Now, Rock of Love is a bus without a driver. Hell, the bus isn’t even on the road freaking road! Brett Michaels’ Rock of Love Bus is stuck in Podunk, USA. It either needs an engine overhaul or to be stuffed and mounted, then put on display in the Vh1 lobby. Put a sign on it, “Rock this Bus!”, because no one else seems to be able too.

Does anyone really care which woman wins this Rock of Love season? Will the winner really get Brett Michaels as her grand prize? Then what? Extenze and Viagra will only carry you so far. Then what?

Now Brett Michaels is making noises about producing another reality show, through Vh1. This Brett Michaels brain fart, would have the camera crew follow Brett around on tour. Just another day in the life of a hard rocking Brett Michaels? Wow! Now we can watch Brett send Big John out in the audience to bring back strippers, to keep Michaels warm at the local Motel 6? As Brett would say, “Hootchie Mama!” Whatever the hell that means.

Let’s get real for a moment. If Brett Michaels has a true calling and wants his own show to turn on a dime, give him a reality based talk show. Brett could come out and play a couple of his songs, plug his CDs and become that cheesy talk show host, that he sounds like now. “Hootchie, Wah-Wa!” What ever the hell that means.

“Rock of Love presents: Hootchie Mama! I Want Some of that Furrrrpiee!!” Starring Brett Michaels as host and rock star. Big John could play the “Ed McMahon” and the house band would be made up of Vh1’s stable of stars. You know - Megan, Buckwild, The Entertainer, New York, Brandi C., Pumpkin, etc.

Every week, Brett could have guests on his show from all of his “Rock of Love” past seasons. Michaels could also interview new, up and coming porn stars, just like Howard does on his show. Howard is getting a bit stale right now. Some fresh blood in this brand of talk soup, would be a welcome addition on Vh1. It’s just an idea I had one night, before passing out on the couch.

If Brett Michaels isn’t up for anything like this yet, maybe Eric Clapton or even Prince could fill Brett Michaels shoes. Let’s face it, another “Rock of Love” after this bus crash would be very Millie vanilla, wouldn’t it?